Vampires are dreaded creatures. They are also the most powerful predators on earth. Humans are afraid of vampires for obvious reasons we are their food. Just as a lion cannot befriend a gazelle, a vampire finds it hard to be friendly with humans. However, according to fictional novels and TV series, not all vampires are ruthless. Some are kind-hearted (heart?) and good-natured. If we take a look at the global political situation, the world seems on the brink of a war. In such a situation, if we have this lethal weapon on our side we can surely get an upper hand in this game of power.
Here are 7 reasons why we need vampires in India.
1. Invincible Fighters
Vampires are dead beings. They cannot be killed with bullets. In fact, they are faster and more lethal than bullets. They are the best option to be sent to our borders to attack and suck every drop of blood running through the veins of our enemies.
2. No Arms No Bombs Only Blood
Since human blood is what vampires thrive on, they can quench their thirst by devouring the enemy’s blood across the border. We can hire some vampires as sleeper cells and send them across the border to create havoc and weaken those who have done everything to create unrest in our country.
3. Vigilante At Your Service
With some good-hearted (heart?) vampires on our side, the police can get some extra hand at keeping our cities safe at night by hiring the night lovers for patrolling. One brief confrontation with a vampire and every burglar in the country will think twice before laying his hands on something that isn’t his.
4. Set A Vampire To Catch A Thief
Vampires have sharp senses. They can easily sense and track the one they are looking for. So, why not use their advanced senses to catch hold of lawbreakers. Our dear Bloodhounds and Dobermans can rest in the meantime.
5. No More Third Degree Tortures
Our police will not have to waste their energy resorting to third-degree torture to make criminals speak the truth. Bring a bloodthirsty vampire before him and see how an honest confession pours out of the wrongdoer’s mouth.
6. Excellent Traffic Police
Anybody who tries to jump the red light, no matter how fast the vehicle is, will be caught within seconds. That is because vampires are faster than cheetahs. So, even if a person is trying to run off riding a cheetah (heh!) a vampire will capture him without much effort.
7. Why Waste A Rope?
Criminals convicted of heinous crimes especially those committed against women and children need not wait to hang on the noose. Once proven guilty, send the criminal to a hungry vampire. There shall never be a dearth of food for a vampire and the world will be rid of some useless weight. Moreover, the noose can also take a breath and will no longer have to bear the weight of pathetic humans.
If you are a vampire and are reading this then please get up and make yourself useful.
For the majority of the human population reading this – you see, if vampire’s appetite for blood is kept in check it can be quite helpful to us. Don’t you think so?